The Path to My (and all Mothers') Heart(s) (and more) | by New Jersey's Award-winning Family Photographer Pamira Bezmen

of Pamira Bezmen Photography

Baby, Child, Family Photography, New Jersey Award-Winning Portrait Photographer Pamira Bezmen. www.pamirabezmenphotography.comBaby, Child, Family Photography, New Jersey Award-Winning Portrait Photographer Pamira Bezmen. www.pamirabezmenphotography.com

We all know that the path to a man's heart is through his stomach.  That is of course, step 1 to his heart.  Then to seal the deal, you have to keep him warm and cozy (usually under the sheets).  Until the next meal :)

The path to a woman's heart, however, is known to be quite different. 

If you're trying to impress and gain the affection of a single woman (one without a child), you need to take many paths, that involve many complicated, time-consuming, and confusing (for most men) activities.

Here are some of them: Baby, Child, Family Photography, New Jersey Award-Winning Portrait Photographer Pamira Bezmen. www.pamirabezmenphotography.comBaby, Child, Family Photography, New Jersey Award-Winning Portrait Photographer Pamira Bezmen. www.pamirabezmenphotography.com

• look deeply into her eyes
• listen to her
• try to understand her
• express your interest in what she's talking about
• be a good listener
• pretend to be a good listener
• recite things she's said
• remember special days
• remember her favorite things
• take her to dinner
• try to be romantic
• be a good dancer
• be available to cook and set the table when she's tired or just whenever
• hold her
• snuggle with her
• caress her gently
• always act like she is valuable and important for you
• stroke her hair gently without pulling
• refrain from clumsy acts that end up pinching her, stepping on her foot, squishing her, etc.
• read a lot, be smart & knowledgeable but not a know-it-all
• be funny and entertaining but not be a clown
• be supportive and protective but not overbearing
• be sophisticated, respectable, a good provider, but not boring
• be trustworthy and reliable, but not predictable
• be sexy and take care of yourself, look nice for her, but not be a player
• be accessible but not a stalker
• be always, always there for her
• offer a shoulder to cry on, but don't sit there like a sack of potatoes, know when to put a warm arm around her
• be a good lover, make her feel wanted, but not be an animal
• be her best friend, brother, and father, but never forget she is also your woman
• be her teacher and student
• be generous with your love, empathy and kindness
• be forgiving and fair
• don't ever, ever fall asleep when she's telling you about her intimate feelings
• actually, don't ever fall asleep when she's talking about anything at all. ever.
• don't snore

Once you've mastered these, then you can go on to learning about second level paths that are deeper, more advanced, more complex and more time-confusing, but ultimately more rewarding.

The truth is that for us women, these are basic investments you just make in someone you care for.  Not in exchange for a reward. You just do them.  WE just do them. That's why we expect them. 

Because this is how we show our love, when we see these bits of affection (or behaviors) displayed towards us, our brains immediately know how to translate them to mean love and care. 

Unfortunately, many men do not need or want the same things as women, and their brains cannot calculate these naturally.  That's why it feels like so much work for many men to find the path to a woman's heart.

But, don't despair.  For both men and women, there is hope to connect at a much simpler, shorter list. I cannot promise you that the differences of how our brains function, process information, and respond to events will ever go away.  Our hormones will always regulate and dictate completely different responses even to the same exact situations, and we will frequently be staring at one another blankly, both thinking: "SERIOUSLY????"

Since Valentine's Day is just around the corner, I decided I'd extend a helping hand.  I am about to reveal the one step program to my heart.  (And to the heart of every mother).

I mentioned that the list above applies to a single woman - meaning a woman without a baby.  For men who want to impress a woman without a baby, I'm sorry, you will still have to do everything (or most of the things) on the above list. (scroll back up and start studying!)

But, if the woman of your dreams is a mother, I have good news for you.  Here is the secret path to the heart of a Mother:

The Path to My Heart is Through My Baby.

Baby, Child, Family Photography, New Jersey Award-Winning Portrait Photographer Pamira Bezmen. www.pamirabezmenphotography.comBaby, Child, Family Photography, New Jersey Award-Winning Portrait Photographer Pamira Bezmen. www.pamirabezmenphotography.com

Once a woman has a child, all of her brain wiring changes.  Some brain parts get larger and stay larger for life.  Her hormones, priorities, perceptions, joys and fears ALL REVOLVE AROUND HER CHILD.

You may say: "Yes, of course, we all know this."

Yes, of course you all know this.  But are you building on this?  Are you using it to everyone's advantage?  To improve your relationship and family life, and how much intimacy you can create with your Lady?

I presume that most men don't.

Her priority is to love, nurture and protect her offspring.  This will be done at the expense of herself, her man, and anything else that gets in the way.  The woman you love is busy doing what nature intended for her to do, so if you want to get cozy under the sheets, you will need to reach out to her by speaking to her in her language.

Here is the one step program to my heart: LOVE MY CHILD HONESTLY AND SINCERELY AND SHOW IT OFTEN.

In many cases "my child" is also "your child", and you may say "Of course I love my child, I don't need anyone to tell me that!"

Yes, of course you love your child, but you need to show it in a way your woman can see it and feel it in her brain cells and her hormones!

You know what happens when a mother watches her partner giving the baby tonight's bath or reading her the bed time stories?

The same hormones that used to flow through our bodies after a long sweaty night of wine and dancing start rushing to our brain cells, soaking our hearts and bodies with warm fuzzies.  Seeing our child giggle in the arms of the one we love will make us fall in love with our partner much more deeply than a sparkly necklace from a store.  Watching how he listens and responds, how he cares for, and how he invests in our child will secure his place in our hearts.  Knowing that our child is cared for and nurtured in safety will make our hearts pound faster than you than a big red box of anything.

Baby, Child, Family Photography, New Jersey Award-Winning Portrait Photographer Pamira Bezmen. www.pamirabezmenphotography.comBaby, Child, Family Photography, New Jersey Award-Winning Portrait Photographer Pamira Bezmen. www.pamirabezmenphotography.com

Now, we may need a gentle foot-rub here and there, or a warm hug, and loving eyes to stare at us.  But don't underestimate the power of the MOTHER that lives inside your WOMAN.  If you do your part right, and reach out to the Mother, she can awaken the Woman that you think we forgot about ;-)

Happy Valentine's Day, with your loved ones!

- Love,

Pamira

P.S.: Although this story is originally based on a man-woman relationship, the same principles apply to a single-sex relationship with two mothers. A woman wanting to win the heart of a woman can take the same concept into consideration. That said, a two-women partnership has obviously the built-in advantage of both partners sharing a mutual understanding of the female state.